Councillor Humphrey Troughton was what one might call a "local worthy" - though according to his visiting Australian cousins, he was nothing more than 'a flaming bore'.

In his youth Humphrey had besported himself about the countryside in an immaculate soft-topped M.G. and had attracted all the pretty, empty-headed young females - much to the envy of all those less well-off chaps whose Ford Anglias and motor-bikes-and -sidecars had been their pride and joy.

Unlike these latter, however, Humphrey Troughton had never outgrown his youthful passion and at age fifty five or so, still fancied himself one of the lads by driving around in a vintage soft top M.G. TD, in which his wife flatly refused to ride.

Humphrey had been a councillor in his home town for a number of years and it must be admitted, had done good work in getting a swimming pool installed, sundry car parks provided and a field set aside for fetes and fairs when not in use as a children's play ground.

But all that good-will went for nothing at Guy Fawkes time when the townsfolk knew that Humphrey Troughton would be at his tub-thumping worst!

Starting in the middle of October, Humphrey would make it his business to visit every school in the neighbourhood to lecture on the dangers of fireworks; and wherever he could find a captive audience would consider it a duty to preach at them the merits of storing fireworks away from every possible hazard, of never leaving them unguarded because of children's meddling fingers and of NEVER having boxes in gardens or any place likely to be ignited by accident.

He was, as his Australian cousins so rightly said, a bore, and put more people OFF being careful than he persuaded.

To give him his due, he never preached against the celebration of Firework Night, being a stickler for habits and customs kept up by tradition; so when the Australian cousins presented him with a monster box of Chinese Pyrotecnics, he warmly anticipated the kudos of producing the best display of the evening at the council's own party held in the communal field.

The passenger seat being vacant, he stowed the weighty firework box beside him while driving to the site, and for safety's sake left it in situ and the car at a safe distance, before carefully locking the doors against thieves or acquisitive children.

It was always his job to light the bonfire, which he did with his usual care, and soon the rather inadequate heap of fish boxes, old carpet, wonky chairs and such was blazing away unenthusiastically.

By the time the communal fireworks had been despatched, the bonfire was looking distinctly puny, which was just the moment Humphrey chose to announce over the Tannoy that by courtesy of his visiting cousins a further grand display would now entertain the company.

A murmur of anticipation ran through the sizeable crowd gathered there, and Humphrey put down the microphone and started to walk towards the place where he had left his car.

But he no more than started; for close behind him, where it had been lit but failed to ignite immediately, a faulty rocket rose drunkenly a few feet into the air.

Wavering this way and that as it careered across the field, it went with unnerving accuracy towards Humphrey's solitary car.

Hardly a mouth remained closed as with demonic persistance it pressed eratically on, and as it neared the vehicle it reared up, as if to gather momentum, before plunging straight through the soft roof of the hapless car and landing with perfect precision into the box of Chinese rockets and thunder flashes.

The gasp from the crowd was audible; and although it was only seconds before the first rocket from the box exploded through the roof of the car, the waiting expectancy seemed endless.

Suddenly all Hades broke loose as the rogue rocket's flame did its deadly worst.

Screams from the onlookers intermingled with the explosive might of the car's contents, and people fled the field in terror while others fell flat on the grass as amid the chaos, rockets whizzed perilously overhead.

One last almighty bang, and Humphrey Troughton's precious car exploded....... But, as the Australian cousins agreed, when they finally got back home, the spectacle of THAT blaze had been a darned sight more impressive than the measly bit of a thing old Humphrey had lighted at the start!